Who has not had to deal with loss? It’s small wonder that the hymnwriters wrote:
When death has come and taken our loved ones,
It leaves our home so lonely and drear,
Indeed, death is one of the hardest losses with which we deal and for which we find it hard to prepare. We are never ready for the departure of a loved one from this life.
However, death is not the only loss with which we have to deal. There is the loss of a job, the severing of an important relationship, including divorce, the loss of a prized possession . . . Loss is real. Here are 3 dangers that could set you back even further in dealing with your loss. Avoid them and you will heal in a better way.
When You Deal with Loss, Avoid Isolation
You know that nobody quite gets what you’re going through. Grief is very individual. At the same time, those connected with you feel for you and want to help. They can come over as being insensitive, causing you to turn away and turn inward. Or, you may be the type of person who processes inwardly and don’t want a lot of people around you when you’re suffering emotionally. Regardless of the reason, when you deal with loss you can turn away from others and turn inward, leaving you isolated.
Here’s the deal. God created you to be in community. When you’re dealing with loss, you need support, especially when you are responsible for others. Don’t try to carry your grief alone. Even if you have to say to someone, “I just need your presence and not your words,” allow them to be with you. In addition, there are practical ways in which others can support you, such as preparing you a meal. Isolation can lead to a lack of self-care which in turn can lead to a breakdown in emotional and physical health. Accept the support of others.
When You Deal with Loss, Do Not Rush Away
You may have a script in your head that says you have to be strong for yourself and/or for others. There is also the script that tells you that giving into grief is weakness. Life goes on and you must go on. There is some truth there but it often shows itself as a distorted truth. Here’s why.
Grief is a process. It takes time to go through the process. Likewise, healing is a process. When you rush away and act as if you can get over a loss in a moment as it were, you deny yourself. You deny yourself the grieving and healing process. Like a scab over a wound that is not healed, your grief festers beneath. It drains your energy and you don’t even know why. In addition, it can get channeled into other emotions. You find that you get angry at small things that in the grander scheme of life should be mild annoyances at the most. Check yourself. Do you have grief from a loss with which you have not dealt?
When You Deal with Loss, Do Not Turn from God
When you deal with loss, you have questions. Why? Why did this happen? Why was this person taken now? Certain types of loss make no sense to our natural senses. Have you ever found this to be true? Yes. Some losses are really tough. Moreover, you turn to God for answers and seem to get none. Or, you just feel that God should not have allowed it in the first place. Indeed, life is filled with unanswered questions and puzzling situations. In the midst of these unanswered questions, you may be tempted to turn from God, blaming God for your loss.
Yes, In the face of some types of loss you naturally look for someone to blame even as you look for the reason(s) why. Since God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, God can become the natural target. This is especially so if you have a quid pro quo relationship with God. In turning from God, you rob yourself of the comfort and peace that God can give. Nevertheless, God is still with you and will comfort you if you are open to God and keep turning to God in prayer.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).
Loss and grief are real. Don’t make it harder on yourself than it already is. When you deal with loss, allow others to support you, take your time to grief, and turn to God.
During this month of May we are going through the series on, “overcoming in everyday life,” so that you get closer to God and gain a deeper understanding of who God is to live with confidence. In the first in this series we looked at overcoming overwhelm. Next, we considered ways of overcoming stress. In the last blog post we discussed ways of overcoming negativity. Today we looked at what to do to avoid loss. There are no simple ways out of loss, hence the title does not follow the “3 simple ways” pattern. In the final blog post in this series, we will look at overcoming a lack of confidence.
In the meantime, check out this video I made for you for more tips on overcoming a lack of self confidence.
Get closer to God and gain a deeper understanding of who God is.
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